Cyber Bullying Interview with Jeff Hodges!

Join me Tuesday, Nov. 13th, 2012 at 2:00 pm ET, as I have a conversation with Jeff Hodges, Host of Young Men's Perspective Magazine, for an informative conversation about cyber bullying.  He's a cool host who really cares about the well-being of our community.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ympmagazine/2012/11/13/holli-kenley-joins-ymp-radio

 Pick up your cop y on - Amazon - Cyber Bullying No More!

Start protecting your family today!

For more tools and tips, visit Holli Kenley!

Cyber Bullying - Host Steve Kovaks Asks the Tough Questions! And Gets Answers!!

Cyber Bullying - The "Kovac's Perspective" Asks the Tough Questions!

National Anti-Bullying Month! Two Powerful Movies!!

October is a busy month.  There are several causes that deserve our attention - one of them being National Anti-Bullying Month!  Although we tend to think about traditional bullying when it comes to this aggressive and destructive behavior, we must also not forget to acknowledge the toxic trend of cyber bullying.

Most of us are aware that both types of bullying our hurting our youth.  Approximately 160,000 students per day or about 3 million per month, stay home from school out of fear of being bullied. According to recent studies, about 1 in 3 students will experience some form of cyber bullying during his/her lifetime.  More disturbing is that the experts are suggesting that "...cyber bullying is becoming a normative social behavior as individuals navigate social and video sharing worlds and it is contributing to the interruption to and breakdown of ordinary relationships (not just those of bully and victim)..." In other words, anyone who utilizes electronic communications is at risk of becoming a victim, or being involved in bullying, or both.

Over the past several years, a movement to stand up against these types of cruel and abusive behaviors has begun to take hold. This past year, two powerful movies were brought to our attention about the painful, destructive, and life-changing consequences of bullying - Bully and Bullied 2  Silence. After seeing both of these films, it is impossible to walk away from them without forever being changed by their message.

The movie Bully profiles the lives of several families who have children that were/are victims of horrific bullying. The movie graphically portrays the torture and abuse that innocent young people live with on a day to day basis - at school, on the school bus, and in their communities.  Bully chronicles the tragic consequences of chronic bullying as one family endures the unthinkable - the loss of their precious son by suicide. Bully pulls you into the lives of these families and it will leave you forever changed by the experience.

Bullied 2 Silence is also a powerful and poignant movie which profiles the deeply embedded injuries and injustices felt by numerous victims of deliberate and destructive bullying. As the participants in the film disclose their innermost fears - their lack of safety, security, and support - it is impossible not to feel their pain and desperation. Although all the narratives of the participants profiled in the film touched me deeply, the story of a young talented beautiful dancer who was being bullied mercilessly by other students in the dance company tore at the fabric of my heart.  The senselessness of it all sickened me.

Go see one or both of these films.  If Bully or Bullied 2 Silence is not in your community, go to their websites( thebullyproject.com  and www.BulliedtoSilence.com ).Schools and organizations can request showings or they can locate places that the movies are being shown. Every student and every parent/guardian need to see these films.  In fact, anyone who cares about the welfare of our most precious natural resource - our kids - needs to see these films.   

After seeing these movies, you too, will want to be part of making a change. Our kids need us.  Let's not let them down any longer.  

Driving in the Cyber Lanes - Lesson 5 Protection Against Cyber Bullying

Lesson Five - Establish a "net neighborhood".


When our children are little and they ask to go out and play, what do we as parents or guardians usually say?  Where are you going?  With whom are you going to play? As they grow and mature, we continue responsible parenting by wanting to know who their friends are and we want to be aware of the places they are going along with what they are doing. We do this so that we can protect them against possible danger and harm.  


This same thinking must be implemented as our children spend time in their net neighborhood! And yet, many parents or guardians do not have a clue about where or with whom their children are spending time in the cyber world.  This is extremely dangerous and puts them at high risk of cyber harm.


There are several important steps that parents and guardians can implement to protect their children from cyber bullying by establishing a "net neighborhood".


1. Parents and guardians must get to know the  net neighborhood. Educate yourself.  Sit down and find out who and what you are dealing with. If you are struggling with the cyber world, have your children teach you!


2. As young children begin to venture out, supervise them and explore with them. Where are they going?  With whom are they spending time? Teach them what is safe territory and what is not. Talk about warning signs or red flags.  Is someone asking for personal information?  Does a stranger befriend them?  Is someone being mean, or unkind,or worse? 


3.  Get to know your children's web buddies, text friends, etc. Who are they? What age?  From where does your child know this buddy? Is this person really a friend?


4. Parents and guardians, it is vital that you understand that this "net neighborhood" is a place where children spend hours and hours of time.  How long or how much time each day do you want your child in this neighborhood?  Set limits and be consistent!


5. On a frequent basis, sit down with your children and visit their net neighborhood with them.  Talk about the people and the places they are visiting.  Discuss the kind of behavior that is occurring - positive or negative. Make changes and adjustments as appropriate.  Always refer back to the Family Internet Use Agreement.


This may sound strange, but our children (as do we) have a relationship with the web! Just as we would want to know about their our child's first boyfriend or girlfriend, we must take that same approach with the net. They spend time there, they behave in certain ways, and they become involved in activities that they may not be ready to handle or that may be unhealthy. 


They need us to watch over them and their net relationship so it can develop  in a healthy manner. Our children deserve no less.  

Driving in the Cyber Lanes - Lesson 4 Protection Against Cyber Bullying

Lesson Four - Implement safety measures!


Before handing over a piece of technology to a child or young person, parents and guardians must implement several safety measures. Not doing so is as dangerous as allowing your child to drive a car with a seat belt on! There are many safety measures to consider, but here are a few that are not negotiable. 


1. Make certain that there is filtering and monitoring software installed into the device.
2. Set parental controls when possible.
3. Protect passwords.  Teach children not to share their passwords.
4. Protect profiles. Teach children to limit the amount and kinds of information posted online.
5. If children are using the social sites, utilize the security settings provided by the online social sites.
6. Report abuse to the internet use provider,social site, and/or to the police.


It is extremely important that you talk to your children about the risks and dangers of electronic communication.  Remind them that they are traveling in places they have never seen or are even aware of.  Talk to them about the hundreds and thousands of strangers who might be viewing their words, their profiles, and their activities.  Tell them that if they ever receive any harmful words, messages, or comments, they are to do three things IMMEDIATELY:


* STOP AND DO NOT RESPOND!!


* SAVE AND PRINT OUT THE INFORMATION!


* TELL A TRUSTED ADULT!  


Parents, guardians, and other trusted adults - when children tells you that they have received hurtful, cruel, or harmful messages,texts, etc., do NOT disregard it or minimize it!  Believe them, comfort them, and support them.  This will not go away or get better by itself!  I will give you tips on how to deal with this in later blogs. 


For now, be the adult they need you to be.  Be the parent/guardian they deserve. Let them know you are they to protect them. 

Driving in the Cyber Lanes - Lesson 3 Protection Against Cyber Bullying!

Lesson Three - Monitor the use of the technology!

Once adults have established a Family Internet Use Agreement, it is necessary to monitor the use of technology. What good is an agreement if there is no enforcement of rules or expectations?  Parents and guardians, do not think of this as "spying" or "invading your child's privacy".  This is responsible parenting!  This is how we protect our children!

Many adults say, "We put the computer in our den where everyone can see it."  Or, "Our kids have to leave their bedroom doors open so we can see what they are doing."  This is a start, but it is not enough!  Parents and guardians, you have the "right" to see where your child is spending time and with whom.  Sit down with them on a weekly basis and check to see where they are going and what they are doing with their technology.  It is being used in the ways agreed upon?  If so, great!  If  not, talk about what is going on, review the family agreement, and implement reasonable consequences. DO NOT take away the technology or ground them from it!  This does nothing to change the behavior and it teaches them to be more careful about their indiscretions. The whole point is to teach our kids how to be responsible with their technology.  A few other tips include the following.

1.As children test this issue or push back, weigh the children's right to privacy with your right to monitor. Again, explain the importance of protecting them. Caring for their safety is your responsibility as a parent or guardian.

2. As children age and develop, revisit the monitoring issue as needed.  However, do not stop monitoring! The older children become and the more proficient they are with their technology, the more at risk they are for cyber harm or the more they are likely to inflict cyber harm.

3. Use the children's track record as your guide in monitoring.  Have they been responsible?  Good.  Affirm them and validate them.  Continue to monitor on a consistent basis.  Have they been irresponsible, flirting with risky online behaviors, or hiding information from you?  Stop and talk with them about what they are writing and how it impacts others!  Increase your monitoring.  Be consistent!  Let them know that when their behaviors become more healthy and appropriate, they will earn back more freedom. 

Parents and guardians, if there were no law enforcement in place to enforce the rules of the road, undoubtedly no one would obey them!  This is just how human nature works. They same logic applies to monitoring technology! If your children know you are not going to check their online activities or behavior, they will venture out into unsafe territory and they will be put in harm's way.

Be the parent or guardian your kids want you to be - even when they don't seem to want it! They will still love you.

Go See "Bully" Movie!!

Parents, Guardians, Educators, Community & Spiritual Leaders, Youth...Anyone who cares about the social health of our country...please...go see "Bully - The Movie (YouTube Clip)" (The Bully Project) by Lee Hirsch.

I just finished seeing this brutally honest gut-wrenching account on the normative behavior of bullying in our country.  I was overwhelmed by the heartbreaking account of how individuals can torment and humiliate any human being and how bystanders can sit by and laugh and participate and do nothing to help the victim - adults included.  I was alarmed at how dismissive school and community personnel were and how in some cases they even blamed the victims for the horrific crimes committed against them.

Towards the end of the movie, I thought for "a moment" that there is no hope in changing this toxic societal behavior - it is just too common place and rampant. Then, I watched and listened closely to Kirk Smalley - founder of Stand for the Silent.  He started this organization after his son committed suicide as the result of chronic bullying. Mr. Smalley will not give up.  He will fight this issue for the rest of his life.  He will keep his son's voice alive.

When I walked away from the theater, I reminded myself that each one of us can make a difference.  I have always believed that.  And I do believe in the goodness of others. However, I think we are in dangerous territory of forgetting that each of one us deserves to be treated with respect, dignity, and with human regard.  I think we are on the verge of losing our empathy, compassion, and human connection for one another.

Please go see "Bully". Any one of these children in this movie could be ours - they probably already are. It will touch your heart and  move you to action. Let's each do what we can with whatever resources our at our disposal.

I know I will.  I will not give up.