Cyber Bullying - Let's Take A Look at What Is Going On!!

In an interview on AZTV's Morning Scramble, Holli discusses cyber bullying with Sandy Moss and Tanya Mock. Why is it becoming so "easy" to inflict harm on another individual? What can we do to prevent this from getting worse? You are invited to take a watch and a listen!

Cyber Bullying - Let's Wake Up To What Is Going On!

  Pick up your copy on Amazon - Cyber Bullying No More!  

Start protecting your family now!

For more tools and tips, visit Holli Kenley!

Cyber Bullying No More! Two Online Interviews Packed With Tips For Parents!

October is coming to a close but it doesn't mean that our commitment to Stop Bullying will end.The good news is because bullying and cyber bullying are behaviors that individuals are choosing to participate in, these behaviors can be changed. And the even better news is that if everyone - parents, guardians, wellness professionals, educators,  faith-based and community leaders, etc. - worked together, bullying and cyber bullying could be stomped out. Let's get started!

   

In this two-part on-line interview with Jill Osborne, Licensed Professional Counselor, there are easy and effective tips for the protection from, intervention with, and prevention of cyber bullying. Please take a read.

Cyber Bullying:Tips For Parents - Part I   

   Cyber Bullying: Tips For Parents - Part Two!

And, for a  more comprehensive understanding of Bullying and Cyber Bullying as well as 3 Keys for intervention, please take a listen. 

Bullying - Let's Step In and Step Up! Keys to Awareness and Intervention

Let's do this!  Let's get this done!

Let's end all bullying!

Bloggers Are Standing Up To Bullying!!

I don't  know about you but sometimes I get really discouraged with all the bad news we hear or read, day in and day out!  Aside from limiting my intake of the depressing realities of life, I refuse to get bogged down in it! I stay committed to my calling in the wellness world, and I work hard in my writings to provide informative and restorative information to my readers.The cool thing is - so are thousands, even hundred of thousands- of other people!!

Although there are many serious problems and critical issues facing our families today, tragically bullying and cyber bullying continue to challenge the well-being of our children (and often of adults as well). Ironically, the same source - technology - that serves as a vehicle for cyber bullies to carry out their abusive agendas can also be a healing tool for victims and their parents/guardians!  Out of frustration and fear, parents/guardians will frequently take technology away from their children ( a tech-time out, so to speak) as a punishment for bullies or as a protective strategy for victims. Although this may be part of a larger plan of intervention, I strongly encourage parents/guardians to become acquainted with the incredibly positive and proactive websites, blogs, and organizations who stand with you and for you in your fight against all kinds of bullying!

Recently, NoBullying.com named the top Top 100 Anti Bullying Blogs of 2013  ! Let me say that again- the top 100 Anti Bullying Blogs of 2013! As I said, there are really good folks out there who want to help - who provide healthy and healing sources of support! Please, take some time and look over these amazing sources, and take advantage of what they have to offer you and your children! You won't be disappointed!!    

My blog, Cyber Bullying No More, was named 6th on the list of blogs dedicated to the ongoing fight against bullying and cyber bullying.  Although I am very proud and pleased, my work is not done.  I continue to implore parents/gaurdians to take a more involved role in their children's online life. I hope readers will take time to read my interview with Ernest Dempsey on Cyber Bullying and Blogosphere, published in the online site NewsBlaze. There is more information for the protection from, intervention with, and prevention of cyber bullying!

Parents, you are not alone! 

Bloggers Are Standing Up To Bullying!! 

Take a quick read...

Cyber Bullying and Blogosphere!

And, for a short and easily implementable road map for raising your kids in this crazy but fascinating technological age, please consider obtaining a copy of cyber bullying no more: Parenting A High Tech Generation!

Together - We WILL Make  A Difference!

Anti-Bullying Month - How to Step Up and Step In!

October is a very busy month with several extremely important causes - Anti-Bullying, Breast Cancer, and Domestic Violence Awareness.  Today, we are going to focus on Anti-Bullying and Cyber Bullying. Although I blog about bullying and cyber bullying frequently, I want to focus on giving you a bit of background information and a few keys for intervention.  With a better understanding of both bullying and cyber bullying, we can step up our awareness and with a couple of strategies under our belts, we can step in and help our children more effectively!

First, let's start with a basic understanding what bullying and cyber bullying are.

• For the most part, they are learned behaviors. This is important because if we learned it, we can unlearn it!
• Both are considered aggressive behaviors  - some behaviors constitute a deliberate intent to harm and others are in reaction to being harmed.
• Bullying and cyber bullying are different from "normal conflict". In "normal conflict", there is an equal balance of power; with both kinds of bullying, there is a significant power differential. 
• Bullies and victims (both with traditional bullying and cyber bullying) can take on both roles. This  means that many times a child is who is a victim may also be a bully, and the reverse is true as well. The role of the bystander is also very important.
• Children bully or cyber bully for many reasons.  The top 3 reasons (supported by research) are the following:  (1) For power and control or to feel better about themselves; (2) It is fun or cool; (3) For revenge or retaliation.  It is also important to note that individuals suffering with underlying mental health issues can also be a contributing factor.

Becoming aware of how, why and to what degree our children are involved in bullying or cyber bullying will help us to step in and intervene!  Let's take a look at 3 strategies.

1.  Have a conversation with your children about bullying and cyber bullying. 

• This is important - put away all technology and set aside some time to really talk.  Share stories of when you were a child (talk about bullying or other difficult challenges).
• Discuss bullying cases in the news or in your neighborhood, school, or town.
• Watch the  movie Bully (or other films about bullying) and discuss it.  Bring the topic out into the open and make it comfortable for your children to share.  

2. Become familiar with the signs that your child may be being bullied or cyber bullied (or both).

• Look for changes in behavior over a period of time.
• Child may appear unusually sad, depressed, fearful and afraid.
• Child is sleeping too much or is having difficulty sleeping.
• Child isolates, withdraws, or spends  more time alone.
• Child is easily angered or agitated (depression in children often looks like anger).
• There is a change in routine, friends, or activities. Child does not want to go to school. 

3. Implement these first three strategies - for victim or bully or both.

 Victim: 3 S's

• Support - Let children know you believe them and support them. You will make it better.
• Safety Net - Let children know you will put safety measures in place: reporting to authorities, implementing technology tools, participating in a buddy system or support group.
• Social Skills - Many children who are victims feel insecure, afraid, have low self-esteem and worth, or are withdrawn. Through activities, counseling, or group work, build up those skills - empower them! 

Bullies: 3 C's

• Consequences - Punishment alone does not work well.  Find our why the bullying is going on and implement meaningful consequences.
• Contract - Implement a behavioral contract that will change the behavior and reinforce appropriate behavior. Use positive reinforcement as much as possible.
• Counseling - After knowing more about the kind of bullying, the degree of bullying, and why they child is bullying, please consider counseling. There may be underlying issues or mental health concerns.

There is more we can do to continue to become aware and to intervene with our children.  There is much more information on my website Holli Kenley and in my book cyber bullying no more .

And join me next week, on w4cy Radio - Kenley's Keys for Recovery when we discuss protection and prevention! 12 pm ET!

Drinking, Drugs, and Danger in the Digital Age! Is Your Family At Risk?

Drinking, Drugs, & Danger in the Digital Age

Depending on the generation, youth has always faced its social challenges, tested them, and moved through them - scaring some young people more than others. Over the past couple of months, however, two high profile cases have been in the news regarding the degradation of two young females by their peers - in real life, and then perpetuated by online victimization. The combination of drinking, drugs, and dangerous behaviors in the Digital Age has catapulted the violators of such injustices and their victims to a whole new realm of exposure, and of ensuing consequence. While emotions are highly charged around both of these recent cases (as with many others that mimic these horrific offenses), and while there are many different levels of accountability for all parties involved, Parents and Guardians are on the front lines of responsibility. And although there are a myriad of strategies to intervene effectively with both offenders and victims, Parents and Guardians, there are three critical interventions you must implement - now.

First, Parents and Guardians, give your children access to technology that is age appropriate. This not only takes into consideration the kind of technology, but also the degree of usage/exploration with the technology. We have rules/laws about the age of drinking. About the driving age. About the voting age.  Why? Because we know that the 'right to participate in a privilege' goes hand in hand with the 'responsibilities that accompany it'. On previous blogs I have addressed this, but once again, know exactly why you are giving your children a piece of technology. State the reasons to yourselves and to your children. Once you  do that, sit down with them and explain its uses as well as the rules/expectations that come along with it. Get everyone in the family on a Family Online Safety Agreement (see below). Introduce your children to the world a 'little at a time'. Help them experience success and allow them to demonstrate responsibility. Do not send them out blindly into an environment where they can falter and fail; where they can destroy their lives and perhaps someone else's forever.

Technology must be age-appropriate.

Secondly, Parents and Guardians, discuss and implement Digital Citizenship with your children.  
Although most of us struggle greatly with the heinous acts of offenders, many of us are even more incensed with the horrific online victimization that accompanies such injustices (photos, videos, etc. of the victims streaming through the Internet). In no way am I  defending any of the offenders when I remind Parents and Guardians that our children are subject to peer pressure. They are impulsive and egocentric. They think in the 'now'.  They are not analytical or evaluative; they typically do not project into the future about the dire consequences of their actions. Parents and Guardians, it is your job to have a conversation with your children about Digital Citizenship - what is good, appropriate, and decent behavior online (and off). If is critical that you lead by example and that you are crystal clear about what your children are to do when and if they find themselves or someone else in danger or in harm's way. In numerous studies,  many young people have stated that they feel that their 'online life is separate from their real life' and therefore, the same rules of respectful behavior do not apply. Remind your children that the 'law' does not see it this way.

Model and teach "Empathy".

Thirdly, Parents and Guardians, model and teach your children empathy. You might think I am joking. No way. This is probably the most important of the three concepts. Read on, carefully. We live in a world of technology; it is amazing and it provides us with incredible knowledge and entertainment! However, in study after study, researches have found that individuals who participate in online aggressive acts also demonstrate lower levels of empathy. In males, researches have detected  a decline in cognitive (thinking) empathy; in females, lower levels of affective (emotional) empathy. Think about this simple fact - we cannot feel badly or sorry for another human being and hurt or harm them at the same time. The lack of empathy itself is exacerbated by the aforementioned facts: the immaturity of the youth involved with their decision making and the disconnect they feel from the real world and their online world. Parents and Guardians, first, you must model empathy.  How are your treating others - online and off?  Do you demonstrate respect, kindness, and a healthy regard for others? Do you practice empathy with your own children?  Next, talk about empathy and teach it to your children.  Use the tragic examples in the news as 'teachable moments'. Ask them what they could have done differently or what they would do if they found themselves in a dangerous situation.  Role-play!  Yes, role-play with your children (age appropriately).  Go through the motions of a harmful situation. Stop and discuss healthy choices - how and when to make them. Parents and Guardians, the more you talk about and model empathy, the more likely your children will be to implement it when the time comes. It could make all the difference between hurting a victim and/or helping one. In short, their decision to chose to be empathic or not could significantly alter the rest of their lives.

Audrey Pott - Age 15

On September 10,2012, a beautiful 15 year old girl named Audrey Pott, attempted to take her own life after being horrifically violated - in real life and online.  Two days later, on September 12, she died. Her family has been forever scarred. Our hearts go out to them. The offenders - their lives and their families- are also forever changed. This didn't need to happen. Parents and Guardians, as we give our children freedoms to enjoy, it is our duty to instruct them about the responsibilities and the dangers inherent within them. 

Let's start today.  Let's step it up.  Let's protect our children... and all the others who deserve no less.    

Note: The Family Online Safety Agreement and other critical tools for parents are available in cyber bullying no more: Parenting A High Tech Generation.  Amazon

For more helpful parenting tools, tips, and resources, please visit Holli Kenley.

You are not alone! We are here to help!