Parents and Teens: Are We Addicted To Our Screens?

How Screen Dependence Is Impacting Children and Families

In recent years there has been a growing body of evidence that Internet Addiction Disorder has become a major health crisis in many of the world’s developed countries (Kardaras, 2016). Although Internet Gaming Disorder was included in the DSM-V (2013) under “Conditions for Further Study,” Internet Addiction Disorder was omitted. However, in an Executive Summary “Technology Addiction: Concerns, Controversy, and Finding Balance” (May 2016, pp.3-14) published by Common Sense Media, researchers investigated how “dealing with devices” affected the parent-teen dynamic.  When 620 adults and 620 children (ages 12-18) were asked the question, “Are We Addicted?” the results were as follows:

Parents say:

• 59 % of parents feel their teens are addicted to their mobile devices.
• 27% of parents feel addicted to their mobile devices.

Teens say:

• 50% of teens feel addicted to their mobile devices.
• 28 % of teens feel their parents are addicted to their mobile devices.

Recognizing the potential health hazards associated with excessive screen usage, in 2013 the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) issued a policy statement “Children, Adolescents, and the Media”, recommending that “Pediatricians and other health care providers ask two media questions and provide age-appropriate counseling for families at every well-child visit:

• How much recreational screen time does your child or teenager consume daily?

• Is there a TV set or an Internet-connected electronic device (computer, iPad, cell phone) in the child’s or teenager’s bedroom?” (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2013,p. 959)

The AAP also established several recommendations for parents regarding screen usage including the following: 

• Limit the amount of total entertainment screen time to <1 -2 hours per day; discourage screen media exposure for children <2 years of age.
• Keep the TV set and Internet-connected electronic devices out of the child’s bedroom (American Academy of Pediatrics, 2013, p.959).

At times, we joke about our dependence upon electronic screens and we certainly enjoy a plethora of benefits from them. However, in a newly released book “Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked” (2017, pp.26-28)), author Dr. Adam Alter states, “40% of the population suffers from some form of Internet-based addiction.”  He, along with other experts such as Dr. Victoria Dunckley, Dr. Nicolas Kadaras, Dr. Kimberly Young, and Dr. Kathy Koch have identified a host of clinical, psychological, neurological, social, and physical effects of both passive and interactive screen time, especially on children and their developing brains. In “Reset Your Child’s Brain”, Dr. V. Dunckley has identified a new disorder – Electronic Screen Syndrome (ESS) – which mimics Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD); however, its causation is directly correlated to exposure to screens and ESS presents with a boarder variation of symptoms (2015, pp.17-18).

There is much to be concerned about.  Whenever I am tackling a challenging health issue and examining causation, I default to a behavior principle: The degree of access or exposure to or consumption of anything is a predictor to the degree of consequence – either positive or negative. As Marriage & Family Therapists, we are entrusted with restoring the health and well-being of our clients. With Screen Dependence, I am suggesting we start by informing clients of the health consequences and then moving them into a more balanced approach with their usage. As is true in addressing other dependent and addictive behaviors, there will be anger, denial, and resistance. In writing "Power Down & Parent Up", I took a family-friendly approach while imparting critical information and providing tools for moving forward. I always remind readers, real power comes in being informed.

Based on current thinking and research, the following guidelines are strongly recommended in moving towards healthier practices in our relationship with technology and with one another:

1. No screens whatsoever in bedrooms.  This includes adults.

2. All screens are shut off two hours before bedtime, for everyone! Spend time with one another, face to face, really connecting.

3. All screens should be kept in a common area.  This is critical for monitoring and supervising.

4. For families, this is important. Every family must have a Family Online Safety Agreement . By implementing a family agreement, you will bypass years of arguments and confusion over tech usage. More importantly, you will have safer and healthier children.

A similar tool is the Family Media Plan - sponsored by the American Academy of Pediatrics. You can customize a family plan for all your children given their different ages! It's super easy and allows you to add to their recommendations! 

For more information on raising healthy “Screen Kids”, take a listen to an informative and restorative podcast series with educators and hosts Dan Kenley and Ed Berger on Insights Into Education.  

Screen Kids Podcast 
Click link to prior blog. Then, click the link to listen to each episode at your convenience!

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 Counselors, Therapists, Educators, join me at the 2018 Annual CAMFT Conference in San Diego as we explore...

 “Human Response To New Technology: 

Consumption, Consequences & A Corrective Response.”

References

Alter, A. (2017). Irresistible: The rise of addictive technology and the business of keeping us hooked. New York, NY: Penguin Press.

American Academy of Pediatrics. Policy statement: Children, adolescents, and the media. Retrieved from http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2013/10/24/peds.2013-2656.

Common Sense Media.  Executive summary may 2016: Technology addiction: concern, controversy, and finding balance. Retrieved from https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/technology-addiction-concern-controversy-and-finding-balance/summary#.

Dunckley, Victoria L. (2015). Reset your child’s brain: A four-week plan to end meltdowns, raise grades and boost social skills by reversing the effects of electronic screen-time. Novato, CA: New World Library.

Kardaras, N. (2016) Glow Kids: How screen addiction is hijacking our kids – and how to break the trance. New York, N.Y: St. Martin’s Press.  

Cyber Bully-Proof Your Home - 5 Steps Parents Need To Know and Take!

One in three children is cyber bullied in his or her online life. Daily, countless youth are the targets of chronic humiliation, aggression, and abuse perpetrated through different kinds of electronic communication. Often, parents/guardians don't know their children are being cyber bullied, and /or don't find out until harm has occurred or until the situation has reached a crisis situation. Enough is enough!  It is time to cyber bully-proof your home!

                                   There are 5 steps parents need to  know and take – now!

Safety First!

First: Parents and Guardians, you must establish a Family Online Agreement.  This is mandatory! This is a contract between you and your children that establishes rules and expectations about their online behavior.  At the same time, the contract makes clear what the parents’ roles and responsibilities are.  As children age and demonstrate maturity with their online behavior, the agreement can be amended or changed.  An excellent example of a contract can be downloaded from 

Family Online Safety Institute .

Second: Implement quick and practical Safety Measures. Once you turn over a piece of technology to your children, you must implement four safety measures.  One, protect passwords by teaching children not to share them. Two, protect profiles by teaching children to limit the amount and kinds of information they post online. Three, obtain filtering and monitoring software. And fourth, monitor your children’s online reputation!  Yes, monitor them!  Parents, you are not snooping or invading your children’s privacy. You are protecting them – that is your job. 

Know your children's Net Neighborhood.

Thirdly: Get to know your children’s Net Neighborhood.  When our children start to become social, responsible parents typically want to know three things: where are their children going; who are they going with; and what are they going to be doing? Whether it is in their real life or their online life, children can easily be put in danger. Sit down with your children and get to know their Net Neighborhood! Find out where they are spending time and with whom!  Talk with them; learn from them; and teach them what is safe and what is not.

Fourth: Prepare a Crises Plan.  If your child is being cyber bullied, take three steps. (1) STOP and do not respond to the behavior. (2) SAVE and PRINT OUT the cyber bullying message.  (3) Children need to SHARE the information with trusted adults and parents need to REPORT it to proper authorities (if necessary). Also, if your children are being cyber bullied to the degree that they are in serious or constant danger and/ or that they feel hopeless or helpless, implement a crises plan.  First, make sure that your children know they are SAFE.  Second, SURROUND THEM WITH SUPPORT. Third, many victims respond well when they learn STRONG SOCIAL SKILLS. (For More information on this, pick up a copy of  Cyber Bullying No More: Parenting A High Tech Generation ).

Fifth: Insist on Cyber Balance.  This may sound weird or foreign. Parents, it is vital that children and adults spend time together without their technology. We must insist on cyber balance in our lives. Why? Because the only way to experience empathy for another human being and understand the impact our words or actions have on another person is to spend time together – FACE TO FACE. Parents, you  must  model compassionate, respectful, kind and giving behavior! Remember, our behaviors teach them and influence more than we know!

Talk. Listen. Share.

Before we conclude, parents/guardians, if your child is cyber bullying others, please implement the following three strategies or what I call the "3 C's":

Contract. If you child is cyber bullying, this demonstrates a lack of responsibility in proper usage of his/her technology.  If a Family Online Safety Contract  is not already in place, implement one.  If one is in place, reinforce and/or amend the rules and expectations.  Talk about what is appropriate behavior and what is not.  A “time-out” or “limiting time” from technology is sensible.  However, without communication and ownership of wrong-doing, it does little to change behavior.

Consequences: Consequences should be reasonable and in-line with the degree of offense. Research supports that making meaningful amends to the victim or implementing restorative justice measures benefits both the bully and the victim. Avoid punishment for punishment sake or taking away technology altogether. This does nothing to change behaviors or attitudes.

Counsel and Connect: Many cyber bullies demonstrate a lack of regard or respect for the well-being of others. In short, they lack empathy. Through counseling or other empathy-building groups (such as youth groups, clubs, teams) or gatherings (such as family time, celebrations, holidays), purposefully integrate exercises and activities into your routines or practices which promote kindness, mutual respect, and compassion for one another.When children learn how to connect with the feelings of others, they are more likely to value them. 

Building Connections!

     

Parents and Guardians, this may sound like a lot of work, but as I often say…

”When it comes to our children, it is better to do the hard work up front 

than live with the heartache in the end”.  

For more valuable tools which are easy to implment, pick up your copy of... Cyber Bullying No More: Parenting A High Tech Generation

Please stop by Holli Kenley's Website   and like us @ Author Holli Kenley !
Let's connect on Twitter !

Check out Holli's exciting new and empowering novel for tweens - teens  -
Another Way!

Bloggers Are Standing Up To Bullying!!

I don't  know about you but sometimes I get really discouraged with all the bad news we hear or read, day in and day out!  Aside from limiting my intake of the depressing realities of life, I refuse to get bogged down in it! I stay committed to my calling in the wellness world, and I work hard in my writings to provide informative and restorative information to my readers.The cool thing is - so are thousands, even hundred of thousands- of other people!!

Although there are many serious problems and critical issues facing our families today, tragically bullying and cyber bullying continue to challenge the well-being of our children (and often of adults as well). Ironically, the same source - technology - that serves as a vehicle for cyber bullies to carry out their abusive agendas can also be a healing tool for victims and their parents/guardians!  Out of frustration and fear, parents/guardians will frequently take technology away from their children ( a tech-time out, so to speak) as a punishment for bullies or as a protective strategy for victims. Although this may be part of a larger plan of intervention, I strongly encourage parents/guardians to become acquainted with the incredibly positive and proactive websites, blogs, and organizations who stand with you and for you in your fight against all kinds of bullying!

Recently, NoBullying.com named the top Top 100 Anti Bullying Blogs of 2013  ! Let me say that again- the top 100 Anti Bullying Blogs of 2013! As I said, there are really good folks out there who want to help - who provide healthy and healing sources of support! Please, take some time and look over these amazing sources, and take advantage of what they have to offer you and your children! You won't be disappointed!!    

My blog, Cyber Bullying No More, was named 6th on the list of blogs dedicated to the ongoing fight against bullying and cyber bullying.  Although I am very proud and pleased, my work is not done.  I continue to implore parents/gaurdians to take a more involved role in their children's online life. I hope readers will take time to read my interview with Ernest Dempsey on Cyber Bullying and Blogosphere, published in the online site NewsBlaze. There is more information for the protection from, intervention with, and prevention of cyber bullying!

Parents, you are not alone! 

Bloggers Are Standing Up To Bullying!! 

Take a quick read...

Cyber Bullying and Blogosphere!

And, for a short and easily implementable road map for raising your kids in this crazy but fascinating technological age, please consider obtaining a copy of cyber bullying no more: Parenting A High Tech Generation!

Together - We WILL Make  A Difference!

Drinking, Drugs, and Danger in the Digital Age! Is Your Family At Risk?

Drinking, Drugs, & Danger in the Digital Age

Depending on the generation, youth has always faced its social challenges, tested them, and moved through them - scaring some young people more than others. Over the past couple of months, however, two high profile cases have been in the news regarding the degradation of two young females by their peers - in real life, and then perpetuated by online victimization. The combination of drinking, drugs, and dangerous behaviors in the Digital Age has catapulted the violators of such injustices and their victims to a whole new realm of exposure, and of ensuing consequence. While emotions are highly charged around both of these recent cases (as with many others that mimic these horrific offenses), and while there are many different levels of accountability for all parties involved, Parents and Guardians are on the front lines of responsibility. And although there are a myriad of strategies to intervene effectively with both offenders and victims, Parents and Guardians, there are three critical interventions you must implement - now.

First, Parents and Guardians, give your children access to technology that is age appropriate. This not only takes into consideration the kind of technology, but also the degree of usage/exploration with the technology. We have rules/laws about the age of drinking. About the driving age. About the voting age.  Why? Because we know that the 'right to participate in a privilege' goes hand in hand with the 'responsibilities that accompany it'. On previous blogs I have addressed this, but once again, know exactly why you are giving your children a piece of technology. State the reasons to yourselves and to your children. Once you  do that, sit down with them and explain its uses as well as the rules/expectations that come along with it. Get everyone in the family on a Family Online Safety Agreement (see below). Introduce your children to the world a 'little at a time'. Help them experience success and allow them to demonstrate responsibility. Do not send them out blindly into an environment where they can falter and fail; where they can destroy their lives and perhaps someone else's forever.

Technology must be age-appropriate.

Secondly, Parents and Guardians, discuss and implement Digital Citizenship with your children.  
Although most of us struggle greatly with the heinous acts of offenders, many of us are even more incensed with the horrific online victimization that accompanies such injustices (photos, videos, etc. of the victims streaming through the Internet). In no way am I  defending any of the offenders when I remind Parents and Guardians that our children are subject to peer pressure. They are impulsive and egocentric. They think in the 'now'.  They are not analytical or evaluative; they typically do not project into the future about the dire consequences of their actions. Parents and Guardians, it is your job to have a conversation with your children about Digital Citizenship - what is good, appropriate, and decent behavior online (and off). If is critical that you lead by example and that you are crystal clear about what your children are to do when and if they find themselves or someone else in danger or in harm's way. In numerous studies,  many young people have stated that they feel that their 'online life is separate from their real life' and therefore, the same rules of respectful behavior do not apply. Remind your children that the 'law' does not see it this way.

Model and teach "Empathy".

Thirdly, Parents and Guardians, model and teach your children empathy. You might think I am joking. No way. This is probably the most important of the three concepts. Read on, carefully. We live in a world of technology; it is amazing and it provides us with incredible knowledge and entertainment! However, in study after study, researches have found that individuals who participate in online aggressive acts also demonstrate lower levels of empathy. In males, researches have detected  a decline in cognitive (thinking) empathy; in females, lower levels of affective (emotional) empathy. Think about this simple fact - we cannot feel badly or sorry for another human being and hurt or harm them at the same time. The lack of empathy itself is exacerbated by the aforementioned facts: the immaturity of the youth involved with their decision making and the disconnect they feel from the real world and their online world. Parents and Guardians, first, you must model empathy.  How are your treating others - online and off?  Do you demonstrate respect, kindness, and a healthy regard for others? Do you practice empathy with your own children?  Next, talk about empathy and teach it to your children.  Use the tragic examples in the news as 'teachable moments'. Ask them what they could have done differently or what they would do if they found themselves in a dangerous situation.  Role-play!  Yes, role-play with your children (age appropriately).  Go through the motions of a harmful situation. Stop and discuss healthy choices - how and when to make them. Parents and Guardians, the more you talk about and model empathy, the more likely your children will be to implement it when the time comes. It could make all the difference between hurting a victim and/or helping one. In short, their decision to chose to be empathic or not could significantly alter the rest of their lives.

Audrey Pott - Age 15

On September 10,2012, a beautiful 15 year old girl named Audrey Pott, attempted to take her own life after being horrifically violated - in real life and online.  Two days later, on September 12, she died. Her family has been forever scarred. Our hearts go out to them. The offenders - their lives and their families- are also forever changed. This didn't need to happen. Parents and Guardians, as we give our children freedoms to enjoy, it is our duty to instruct them about the responsibilities and the dangers inherent within them. 

Let's start today.  Let's step it up.  Let's protect our children... and all the others who deserve no less.    

Note: The Family Online Safety Agreement and other critical tools for parents are available in cyber bullying no more: Parenting A High Tech Generation.  Amazon

For more helpful parenting tools, tips, and resources, please visit Holli Kenley.

You are not alone! We are here to help!